October 2004

Two Poems by Macklin Smith

Macklin Smith was diagnosed with leukemia and chose to have a bone marrow transplant. He hadn't planned to write about the experience, but the poems in Transplant “took me by surprise,” he says. “My focus had been on facing death, staying alive and being alive. When the poems came, against my will at first, they seemed to want to tell a story, each with each.”

The prospect of reading poems about cancer may seem uninviting. But this suite of poems by Smith, an associate professor of English, has a narrator with a wry sensibility, an unflinching gaze at fate and a narrative style that renders his contemplation of our precious bodily fluids (even gone-wrong) splendid and profound, in the witty vein of the Metaphysical poets.

Transplant ($14.95) was published in 2002 by Shaman Drum Books. Order at (800) 490-7023 or at http://www.shamandrum.com/

Independence

Listen to Independence (mp3) (requires audio plugin)

[ Note: “BMT” is “Bone Marrow Transplant]

Even incarcerated men and women can achieve some independence

Through their choice of TV programming, wardrobes, even e-mail,

Depending on the warden's policy and type of prison,

Although in the super-max federal system they cannot choose

Any of these things: they're in solitary 23 hours a day, strip searched

prior to their hour of exercise, and never go outside, no

window, and they're under artificial lighting night and day.

With the BMT, of course, it's voluntary,

Which makes a huge difference; I have signed the consent forms,

I have a window, visitors can come and go freely, I have my own

music, my books, my choice of TV shows, and my

e-mail,

So that even though I am harassed constantly by my care-givers, I can

maintain a certain independence,

And even though I can't leave the ward, I can walk around and chat

through my mask and wander into empty rooms and steal

fruitjuices at night instead of requesting them from a nurse,

And I can insist on wearing my own clothes, not a bare-ass gown,

And in my case anyhow I could refuse IV-delivered water–wow!

that was radical–If I agreed to record every single fluid

ounce; I think the nurses had to have a staff meeting over

that one.

 

They used to keep BMT patients in sterile isolation, in plastic see-

through tents, with visitors restricted, but even then it

wasn't about power,

It was careful fear.

It made sense to doctors and patients both.

Then someone did a study, confirming that the psychological harm

from solitary confinement was worse as a mortality-

predictor than the fear of infection.

Now my visitors need only know that they aren't sick or getting sick,

no cold or flu symptoms.

They still must wash their hands before entering the room,

And they can hold hands with me if they want, or sit nearby, or

they can fill up my room with their bodies and words and

love and good humor,

If I want them in my room, which sometimes I will not, it's up to me,

but most days I will welcome them,

As long as they leave their cut flowers at the nurse's station.

So it's not that bad,

I want my freedom back, but even here I have choices.

Koans? No, Queries

by Macklin Smith

Listen to: Koans? No, Queries(mp3) (requires audio plugin)

So is cancer

Natural

Or man-made?

If natural,

Environmental

Or personal?

If environmental,

Natural

Or industrial?

If personal,

Self-inflicted

Or karmic?

If self-inflicted,

Physical

Or mental?

If physical,

Dietary

Or genetic?

If genetic,

Chromosomatic

Or karmic?

If mental,

Psychosomatic

Or neurotic?

If karmic,

Ancestral

Or self-inflicted?

If ancestral,

Maternal

Or paternal?

If paternal,

Personal

Or accidental?

If maternal,

Man-made

Or natural?

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