“In Search of Validation: How Intergenerational Conflict Conveys Desire”

The desire for validation is prevalent throughout literature. Many characters wish that others would confirm their self worth. One tool authors use to convey this desire for validation is intergenerational conflict. Shirley Williams, Toni Cade Bambara, and Toni Morrison in “Tell Martha Not to Moan,” “Gorilla My Love” and Song of Solomon respectively all use this tool because conflicts often bring tensions and desires to the surface. In intergenerational conflicts, the discrepancy in age often heightens these desires or makes them more apparent to the reader, especially the desire for validation because older characters want to know they still have value and younger characters want to be validated as adults. Authors also give the reader a clue of how intense the desire is by how intense of a fight the character gives in the argument. As a result, intergenerational conflicts convey the desire for validation to the extent that the characters fight to fulfill their desire.

Characters who want to fulfill their desire for validation the most are often the ones who have been most denied, making it evident that characters want validation because they feel they have been treated without recognition or respect. This denial of recognition can be seen when they come into conflict with characters that deny them. Martha from “Tell Martha Not to Moan” by Shirley Williams feels she is unappreciated because her mother repeatedly pressures her traditional ideals of marriage and family onto Martha, showing that she does not respect the way her daughter lives her life. Her mother’s disapproval causes Martha to desire validation. The two fight, when Martha arrives home, alone and pregnant for the second time, unable and unwilling to live up to her mother’s expectations.  Martha says that her mother (and others) “treats me like I don’t know nothing. But just cause it don’t seem like to you that I know what I’m doing, that don’t mean nothing. You can’t see into my life.” (Williams, 63) Martha confronts her mother because she believes her mother treats her like a child who doesn’t act responsibly or intelligently (“like I don’t know nothing”), which causes her to feel put down. Martha attempts to assert herself with “You can’t see into my life,” an attempt to gain validation by suggesting that Martha’s life has unnoticed worth. Her mother, unmoved and following the same patterns as before, continues to insult the way Martha lives her life, ignoring what her daughter wants, making the fulfillment of Martha’s desire impossible. Their argument shows how Martha feels disregarded, resulting in her need for validation. On a broader level, it displays how intergenerational conflicts show that disparaged characters want validation.

Intergenerational conflicts like that between Martha and her mother often occur when characters feel disparaged by parental figures. In “Gorilla My Love” by Toni Cade Bambara, Hazel also does not feel as if she is treated with the respect she deserves when her uncle breaks his promise to marry her. The blow of this disregard is especially keen because Hazel’s parents have raised her to believe she is entitled to a great deal of respect. Her parents tell her “when you got something on our mind, speak up and let the chips fall where they may. And if anybody don’t like it, tell em to come see your mama.” (Bambara, 18)  These words give Hazel the right to speak her mind whenever and to whomever, and to expect validation or else. Because of her entitled upbringing, she feels disregarded when she is not treated as if she is important, as when her uncle treats her feelings as trivial, ignoring them and planning to marry someone else. She tries to regain validation and confirm her perception of herself by arguing with her uncle and asserting her identity with “My name is Hazel” (Bambara, 19) in the face of his thoughtless use of “peaches,” a term of endearment and an attempt to define her as her uncle sees fit. Like the child she is, she kicks and screams for at least an apology, recognition of the pain she is going through, a pittance of validation. These actions show Hazel doing everything she can to receive validation, unlike Martha, who in the face of opposition retreats into a dream world, making her a better example of how disregarded characters desire validation. Through the strength of Hazel’s fight, Bambara in “Gorilla My Love,” presents how disregarded Hazel feels, how much she desires validation and her consequential attempts to satisfy her need through an intergenerational argument.

In both “Tell Martha not to Moan” and “Gorilla, My Love,” a younger character’s search for validation is shown through a conflict with an older character. However, older characters feel the desire for validation because of mistreatment just as much. Their arguments with younger characters reflect this, as is the case between Ruth and her son Milkman in Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. Because of his father’s attempts to poison his relationship with his mother, Milkman views his mother as a “silly, selfish, queer, faintly obscene woman,” (Morrison, 123) and generally ignores her. His confrontation of his mother when he sees her going to her father’s grave and the nasty insinuations he makes reflect this view of her as someone not deserving respect. As a result she feels demeaned, shown by her physical reaction, “her shoulders slumped.” (Morrison, 123) but she also has some fight in her. She justifies herself in order to receive the validation she has been denied and earns herself some consideration when he stops having such a negative view of her. Ruth’s success in gaining validation or at least explaining herself to her son so that he no longer sees her as a demented weak woman does make a compelling argument that her fight with Milkman is the best example of how intergenerational conflict conveys the desire for validation because characters feel they have been denied it. However, she does not assert herself and fight as much as Hazel. On the defensive, Ruth never challenges Milkman himself or his actions. Because she openly confronts her uncle about his behavior, Hazel fights the most. Thus, even though she is denied, her argument with her uncle is the best example of this argument. Ruth still has some success and makes an effort, though, making her dispute a better example than Martha’s. Like those characters, Ruth in Song of Solomon is treated without proper consideration by Milkman, making her fight with her son for validation.

Ruth needs validation from Milkman because she sees her son as a representation of the “last occasion she had been made love to,” (Morrison, 135), and therefore also a representation of the last time someone desired and validated her. Ruth explains her history of being marginalized and her devotion to her father by saying, “But he [Ruth’s father] cared whether and he cared how I lived and there was and is, no one else in the world who ever did.” (Morrison, 124) These arguments for validation let the reader know Ruth desires validation because she has long been denied by her community and later her husband. Ruth was so lonely and desperate for validation so long; she created a new person to satisfy her need, which establishes why Ruth needs validation from Milkman, so much that she, an extremely passive woman, makes an effort; Milkman is the manifestation of that last time someone treated her as if she was valuable. When he denies her, she defends herself with, “Now tell me. What harm did I do you on my knees,” (Morrison, 126), an appeal for Milkman to value her because of her love, efforts and sacrifices for him. Thus, Milkman’s and Ruth’s argument demonstrates her desire for validation because of its denial, and a fight to win it. In Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison, Ruth’s argument with Milkman provides an example of how intergenerational conflicts convey a desire for validation by elucidating further that characters desire validation because they have feel devalued.

Disregard often leads to low self esteem and insecurities. Because of this perceived lack of self worth, characters desire validation, attesting to how intergenerational conflicts demonstrate that desire. Hagar from Song of Solomon and her conflict with Milkman exemplify this. When Milkman leaves Hagar, his cousin, after a ten year relationship, she is absolutely devastated; she goes to a place “where everything was frozen except for an occasional burst of fire inside her chest that crackled away until she ran out into the streets to find Milkman Dead.” (Morrison, 99) The phrase “everything is frozen” evokes the desolation Hagar feels without attention, the confirmation of her self-worth. All she has is the desire to see him, the desire for the validation he gives, which is a “burst of fire inside her chest.” Milkman has denied her the attention she bases her worth in, which is evidenced by the line, “Nothing could pull her mind away from the mouth Milkman was not kissing, the feet that were not running toward him the eye that no longer beheld him, the hands that were not touching him,” (Morrison, 127) This line shows Hagar views her body’s entire purpose in respect to Milkman, emphasizing that without him she believes she has no purpose or worth; she might as well not exist. All this emphasizes her extraordinarily strong desire for his attention and validation.

Because Hagar is deprived of attention and her self-respect, she becomes insecure in her own worth. Thus, she comes to conflict with Milkman, who in terms of their relationship and maturity, is in a different generation. At the beginning of their relationship, Milkman is younger; Hagar is the one with the power because he wants her more than she wants him. But as they grow older the balance in power shifts, Milkman starts paying less attention to her as he seeks out the higher society of Honore. She stops denying him, because she now needs the attention he offers carelessly to feel good about herself, becoming the “third beer . . . the one you drink because it’s there,” (Morrison, 91) which shows how much the status quo has changed; he doesn’t care and she is desperate for his validation. Finally, he leaves, cutting her off from the attention she needs for her self-worth. He uses a note, which further deprives her of his attention. As a result, Hagar tries to kill Milkman six times, merely so that he cannot ignore her. Through their dispute, she can receive attention, confirmation that she at least exists and has a purpose, something to base her self-esteem in. Hagar and Milkman’s intergenerational conflict in Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison demonstrates how characters desire validation due to their insecurities, developing how intergenerational conflicts communicate a desire for validation.

At the end of her life, Hagar fixates on her appearance as the reason why she doesn’t get the validation she craves and becomes more concerned with whether she is worth validation, where before she merely wanted it. After trying unsuccessfully to beautify herself, she laments, “look at how I look, I look awful. No wonder he didn’t want me,” (308) showing how she channels all of her insecurities into her appearance, when before she was insecure because she wasn’t receiving the attention she wanted. She seeks comfort or at least a little validation by asking Pilate “Why don’t he like my hair?” (Morrison, 315) Pilate wants her granddaughter to value herself for herself. By saying “It’s his hair, too. He got to love it,” (Morrison, 315) she argues that Milkman must value her hair and appearance because he values his own. Hagar is not satisfied, though. In search of validation to assuage her insecurities, she wants Pilate to tell her she is beautiful in the way Milkman desires but Pilate doesn’t lie, causing conflict. It is a rather listless one, where despondent Hagar just meekly protests. Thus, the conflict is less exemplar of how characters desire validation because of their insecurities. Earlier, Hagar puts in a concerted effort (going through a ritual, choosing her weapon, attacking him) to gain the validation she desires, making the conflict with Milkman a better example and also demonstrating the great change undergone by this character. She has started to believe she is not worth validation and is giving up, not even working to achieve the minimum requirement for validation; existence. The conflict between Hagar and Pilate featured in Song of Solomon expresses how intergenerational conflict conveys a desire for validation by showing that characters desire validation because they are insecure.

The opposite can be true as well; characters can also desire validation, not because they are lacking confidence, but because they wish to be seen as extraordinary. Milkman in Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison wishes to be seen as extraordinary by the community of Blood Bank because it would cushion his easy life. As a prerequisite, he has to have validation but in Blood Bank, he is seen as the spoiled son of an avaricious man. It would make his life easier or at least more enjoyable to be treated with the more respect, which is all Milkman cares about as shown by the line “Either I am to live in this world on my terms or I am to die out of it.” (Morrison, 129) Milkman thinks this as Hagar attacks him, unwilling to fight her. He won’t make any effort, because it would compromise his life on his terms, a life receiving pleasure, being taken care of without doing anything to deserve it or working at all. Conflict with Hagar benefits him; he doesn’t have to do anything but he still becomes “a star, a celebrity in Blood Blank” (Morrison (301), gaining validation and an extraordinary reputation as someone extremely desirable because of Hagar’s twisted devotion. For that reason, he lets the conflict continue when he could easily stop it, showing his desire for validation because he wishes to be seen as extraordinary. As a result, Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison provides an example of how intergenerational conflict conveys the desire for validation because characters wish to be seen as extraordinary.

Hazel from “Gorilla My Love” by Toni Morrison wishes to be seen as extraordinary by everyone she meets. An elementary student, she wishes to be seen as extraordinary for her intelligence as shown by the line “When in reality I am the smartest kid P.S 186 ever had in its whole lifetime and you can ax anybody.” (Bambara, 17)  “And you can ax anybody” shows how Hazel desires to have everyone know how brilliant, how special she believes she is. Furthermore, these lines show arrogance and the great extent she wants to be seen as extraordinary with “smartest kid P.S 186 ever had its whole lifetime.” For her, it is not enough for everyone to know she is currently the smartest kid; they have to know she is the smartest kid ever. She believes her own words and as a result needs to be seen as extraordinary to validate her idea of self. Hazel desires validation to confirm her view of herself as someone extraordinary, demonstrating how characters desire validation because they wish to be seen as special.
Her desire to be seen as extraordinary and resultant need for validation propel Hazel into conflict with a movie theater owner, who doesn’t validate or recognize how special Hazel thinks she is. She argues with him, trying to prove that she is smarter by getting her money back for a movie she believes is incorrectly titled. She fails to receive the validation she desires from him when he refuses. To win and garner some validation without the older man’s approval, she sets the movie theater’s candy stall on fire, showing how she values herself as superior, almost like a vigilante, giving him what he deserves. Unlike Milkman she makes an effort to get what she wants; she storms up to the movie theater owner, challenges him, and commits arson. Milkman, though he risks injury and accidental death, never does anything to earn the extraordinary reputation he desires. As a result, Hazel and the movie theater owner’s conflict better conveys that characters desire validation because they wish to be seen as extraordinary.   Hazel from “Gorilla My Love” and her conflict with the movie theater owner demonstrate how intergenerational conflict conveys the desire for validation because characters wish to be seen as extraordinary.

Intergenerational conflict serves a purpose in “Tell Martha Not to Moan” by Shirley Williams, “Gorilla My Love” by Toni Cade Bambara, and Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. Their respective authors use this kind of conflict to develop their characters and show what that they desire validation. Conflict often exposes tensions and desires within the story because conflict serves as an attempt to either relieve tension or satisfy a desire. In order for that to happen, tensions have to be aired out and desires have to be expressed. Between characters of different ages, age often stresses these tensions because no matter how old or young characters are, each one still wants to be treated as valuable. Characters desire validation for different reasons, the desire to be seen as extraordinary, the need to ease their insecurities, and the need to compensate for disregard. How much the argument conveys these desires can be seen by the effort the character who desires validation makes to satisfy his or her need. Thus, these stories demonstrate how intergenerational conflict conveys the desire for validation to the extent the involved characters fight for it.

Works Cited

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s