Features

REMEDIATED (2nd and Final)

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Script

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen! We’ve got a great one here tonight. It’s a hot and sultry night for our matchup — highlighted by the first-ranked heavyweight power, Rodney “Da Champ” Gibson in  one of the most stacked fields, all at Miami’s hottest club, Café Tijuana.

Thanks for joining us folks, the atmosphere here is electric tonight, and it’s expected to be yet another sellout for this popular salsa café. I’m your host, Mitch Rogers, and I’m joined by my co-host and compadre, our field reporter Frank Howard. We’re bringing you limited commercial interruption coverage on the BSPN 2 Radio, Bar Scene Programming Network — the world’s first and only news source for action from the hottest clubs and bars.

We’ve been following Rodney, or Rod, since his rookie campaign when he was fighting his way through the league. After a long spiral slope downhill, Rod managed to sneak his way into the number one seed heading into tonight’s matchup. It’s been a rather strange year, Rod after he started out with a defensive, laid back approach, allowing the ladies to gravitate to him. Until recently, when he switched to a season changing, more offensive, aggressive style of play where he seeks out the women.

For the past month now, Rod has been bringing back girls on a consistent basis, and tonight he looks to rebound after a poor showing last weekend at “La Noche de Gatitios”, the popular bar on Fifth Street. Café Tijuana is a different environment though, and it should be exciting to see “Da Champ” on the road again tonight.

The biggest story tonight though, will be if Rodney can regain his composure get laid in what has been called one of “the most hostile territories” to play in on the road. Last weekend, Rodney went 0-3 and was shutout without capitalizing on his shootout opportunity. Dropping lines like the classic “That shirt would look better off of you” or “You look radiant tonight” would normally secure some sort of points for Rod, but last weekend was an upset. In the past month, the strategy Rodney fell back on last weekend, was a new style of play for the 32 year old man who started searching out prime targets. What was once a foreign, and surprising move for the former pharmacist, is now a part of his regular routine and strategy.

Let’s take you back six to seven months ago when Rodney was primarily a relaxed player who relied on the babes to find him and use less effort than other players out in the ONS Conference. The One Night Stand Conference provides stiff competition, but Rodney has always been a powerhouse every year, even with his unique style. It’s difficult to look back now and say where Rodney switched up his game plan, but one has to think it was the end of June when the new group of college graduates settled into Miami for their internships, and were interested in more active men. “Da Champ” went on a cold streak throughout the summer, spending many weekends without company and even sacrificing some weekends for work, an unheard of move. As former legend Fitz Jones would say, “Desperate times call for men to grow a pair.”

While it was difficult to pinpoint Rod’s slump, it was relatively easy to see his rise back to the top. We all watched Rodney after graduating from the University of North Carolina as a pharmacist, where he began working for a lesser-known drug company, Plan C. Part of Rodney’s success was his ability to tell the truth about working in the Pharmacy field, and attract girls with wealth. It wasn’t until August though, after Rod’s big slump from June, that he interviewed for Vice President of Plan C and got the job. Shortly after, we saw the reinvented Rodney come back slowly to the bars, while helping to expand and rename the company, Painless Pleasures. The title of Businessman was something “Da Champ” could flaunt to the females, and with a new aggressive mindset, Rodney beat out the others in the ONS Conference.

We’re going to cut to a short commercial while we wait for the first half to begin.

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And we’re back. It’s now 10:46 P.M. and Rodney has just pulled up to Café Tijuana in his new 2011, black Lexus. Sporting his sunglasses at night with the Faux hawk, Rodney has pulled off the douche bag look that many of the girls really enjoy. Let’s go down to Frank for a more detailed report on Rod’s appearance for tonight.

Thanks  Mitch. I’m down here at the entrance where the big story right now is “Da Champs” look heading into the club. Rod has just stepped out and it is evident that he has chosen to be bold tonight and sport a salmon colored shirt with his sleeves rolled halfway up to his forearms. He also included some simple black pants, a black belt, and black Oxfords to compliment that embarrassing shirt. Had it not been for the sandy brown hair, gelled into a Faux Hawk, this look would set Rod up for disaster. In fact, there’s enough gel on top of his circular head to encase Rosie O’Donnell. Nonetheless Mitch, he is still playing on the risky side tonight, after last week’s horrendous showing at La Noche de Gatitos.

We’re back to the booth now, and Rodney has just walked through with what he said in an interview earlier this week as “swag.”

-Rodney, can you tall us about that limp in your step? Were you injured? Does it have anything to do with the gymnast you brought home the other night?

-Nah, that’s my new swag walk.

-Swag?

-Yeah man, Swag. I’m just doing me.

Rodney was unable to come up with a real explanation besides quoting a rap artist he doesn’t even know.

Nothing fancy, but he does it slowly enough to gain attention from everyone that happened to make it into the club, though I suspect those aren’t looks of satisfaction. He’s reached the bar though, and it’s time for the first drink of the night.

-Hey jackass, what are you doing here? Applebee’s is three blocks away.

We’ll go down to Frank again to get the live call on the field.

Mitch, I’m standing next to Todd, the Bartender, who has been a working now for 17 years at Café Tijuana serving up his mediocre concoctions to the rich public. Todd handles all of Rodney’s drink orders when he comes into his club, after it was he who was working the night Rod began his first hot streak. He informed me in an earlier interview, that in the past Rodney’s drinks have included the Dry Martini, Whiskey on the Rocks, and water. Last weekend, if you remember, Rodney ordered Captain and Coke, because that was all that new Cuban bartender Juan knew how to make. It appears though, that Rodney has made his way to the bar and is ready to make his decision. Let’s listen in.

“Give me a Kamikaze Todd.”

“What the hell is that? I make drinks, not Japanese fighter pilots.”

“Thanks Todd-o. I’ll be back later.”

Oh my Lord! Ladies and gentlemen, in a surprise move Rodney appears to be ordering a special drink tonight, the famous Kamikaze. This shot is sure to pack a punch. A mixture of Smirnoff vodka, the official sponsor of BSPN, triple sec, and lime juice, this drink is a surprise pick, as it is not in Rodney’s character. Going from the classics to the lesser known drinks, tells us that Rod is not feeling like his normal calm, collected, and unwilling to change self, but rather wild, adventurous, and change of pace, like his drink. Folks, you aren’t going to want to miss a minute of tonight’s action. Let’s get back down to the bar.

“A what? Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Rodney took of his sunglasses and kept a straight face to reinforce his point. This should not surprise us though, because often Rodney can be unpredictable. “Da Champ” is coming out in full force tonight and seems to be willing to handle the risks that accompany such a drink. Obviously, getting hammered tonight is a part of his strategy, but it will be interesting to see if he can hold himself back from getting too plastered, so that he can continue with logical conversation. Rod must be looking to make a total turnaround to avoid a repeat of last weekend’s nightmare.

We’ve hinted at it before, but Rod’s most recent night at La Noche de Gatitos was a night of infamy. Rod had walked in prepared like he normally had, and was forced out by the souless bouncers. Attempt after attempt, Rod could not convince a female, or probably a mouse for that matter, to attend the party in his pants. After disturbing enough females, Rod was instructed to leave, but was too belligerent to comprehend, and thus his ass kicking. It was abnormal of Rod’s overall style of play, but just like the great Chad Feldman, Rod had an off night.

We interviewed Chad earlier today to see what he thought of the recent rise to No. 1.

-Chad, you and Rod have both struggled with consistency, but both of you have come back stronger each and every time. What’s the secret?

-Steroids and Hummus.

-Can you expand on that for us?

-Yeah. I did steroids to make me stronger, cause that what my friends in the MLB told me to try, and I ate a lot of hummus because it went on sale at Whole Foods.

Todd the bartender still mixes Rodney’s drink despite the cursing underneath his breath, and with that completed, the match is under way. Under “Da Champ’s” new style of play, his first play is normally to find a small group or pair of girls that he can begin to sweet talk. Rodney’s has the big blue eyes of a hawk, so picking a few girls out of the crowd is easy for the veteran. However, it’s been five minutes still and Rod has yet to find anyone.

This doesn’t bode well for him. It’s crucial that he jumps out to a fast start tonight, otherwise we could be looking at replay of last weekend. We’ll take another commercial break, before we find out if Rod can redeem himself.

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Alright folks we’re back, and Rodney has finally spotted someone, and this girl appears to have an empty hand, which means that buying her a drink is a perfect segue into starting a conversation with her. It’s a predictable play, but it is a safe one, and therefore I would expect Rod to start off with it. The music has started to pick up and the dancing has started, so let’s go down to Frank once again to see if we can get a better view of what is happening.

Mitch, it appears that Rodney has just downed his drink and is going back to the bar for two drinks. It looks like the smart play here would be to bring back a Martini for himself and order her an Appletini, but Rodney is in an unpredictable mood so we’ll have to wait and see. I can’t quite hear the conversation at the bar right now, but Todd looks just as shocked to hear Rod’s order. Upon closer view … oh dear god! Rodney is coming back with a glass of Disaronno on the rocks and a Daiquiri. Mitch, he is now headed straight to the blonde, long haired woman, conversing with her other friend.

Guys and gals, in a never before seen move, “Da Champ” is putting his reputation on the line and risk another rejection.

I’m not sure if this is a smart move folks, the Disaronno is not exactly a safe pick and can lead to the nasty, eye roll from this girl and a possible snicker from her friend. Even stranger is the thought that the daiquiri will be accepted by the girl. Rod is walking over at a fast pace now to make sure he claims his territory. This lady is a looker though. Her black high heels, short black cocktail dress, and straightened  blonde hair screams tourist to the city. From here it looks as if she has blue eyes as well, which Rodney has been a big fan of. The statistics don’t lie on this one, though. 68% of girls “Da Champ” has brought back for the extracurricular activities have had blue eyes. We’ll kick it back to Frank, as he has Rod “miced up”.

That’s right Mitch, Rodney has his microphone on and we’ll be able to hear the reaction of the stranger and her friend, as we watch Rod go in on the prey this time.

“Hello there. I couldn’t help, but notice that your hand was empty. I thought you might enjoy this.”

Folks, Rodney has opened with a Cliché line that really brings into question why it was included. He’s handing the drink to her now, and she seems to be showing no response.

“My name is Rod. Let’s cut to the chase. Tell me your name and I’ll make sure to mention it after we’re done later tonight?”

“Uhh – I um… my name is Jessica. I’m sorry, but is this a daiquiri?”

“Yes ma’am it most certainly is.”

“Well I appreciate your gesture, but I, I am … allergic to alcohol, and … my boy friend was bringing my friend and I something without alcohol. It was nice to meet you though.”

Oooh that has to sting. Rodney attempted a risky move and was left with nothing in the end. He’s walking around aimlessly now, dumbfounded,  and trying to regain composure. That play is going to hurt his chances moving forward. Mitch back to you in the booth.

Well you just heard it ladies and gentlemen, “Da Champ” himself was just obliterated after his first move. Less than four minutes of conversation isn’t even enough to be considered a solid attempt. Even worse, her excuse that she is allergic to alcohol and has a boyfriend is a big “Fuck you!” What type of girl comes to one of the busiest clubs in all of Miami with a boyfriend, and let alone is allergic to alcohol?  Our friends in the booth report that only one instance has been reported where a member of the OSN was rejected because a female was allergic to the fantastic substance. Nevertheless, we’re going to be able to tell a lot about Rodney, by the way he reacts in the next five minutes.

BAR

The key to his next play will be time. He has a short window of time before the clock hits midnight, and his strength all season has been securing a female before then. It is after that deadline that “Da Champ” can impress the ladies with his dancing skills and jack ass attitude that the woman also cannot get enough. Right now, he has two drinks in his hand which can also backfire quickly, if he does not get rid of it.

Wait! What’s this? It appears that Rodney has found a woman walking alone. This is surely an act of God, as no woman ever walks alone in Café Tijuana at Midnight without a man. With that, we quickly head down to Frank again to see if he can give us the conversation that Rod is about to initiate.

That’s right Mitch, Rod is currently approaching the tall, brown haired, woman standing alone near the wall. She has thick eye brows, a blemish or two, and is wearing a skin tight top with a loose short skirt. She has larger arms and legs, but still has a thin build, however, she does not have blue eyes but rather brown. “Da Champ” still goes in to make his comeback.

“Well hey there. I must say you look good tonight. What are you doing over here all alone though?”

“I – well I was just here for a little bit.”

This is a good sign for Rod Mitch. Her pathetic response shows that she was waiting for a man of Rodney’s well-built stature to begin flirting.

“Have this drink then. Is this daiquiri alright?”

“Yes! I haven’t enjoyed one of these for some time. Thank You.”

What the Hell? I cannot believe what I am seeing. The female is taking kindly to the drink and this night has turned around drastically for Rod. This is the Rod were used to seeing ladies and gentlemen. The one that gets up when he’s knocked down and work for what he wants. Just when we thought his night was over, it’s just beginning. Let’s head back down and continue listening.

“I’m Jordan, by the way.”

“I’m Rodney, but you can call me Rod.”

Mitch, this series of events is unfolding rapidly. There has been a smile on Jordan’s face the entire time now, and I’m 87% sure that Rod just winked at her.

“Jordan, I feel our time talking is being wasted when we could be dancing. You know how to shake that ass?”

“Of course. Is it cool if I slip into the bathroom first?

“Smart idea. I’ll stop in as well in a second, and meet you back on the dance floor. Come prepared to move.”

Thank you Frank for that coverage. We’re going to take a quick commercial break again, while we wait to see what Rodney brings out on the dance floor.

“Premiering on NBC this Thursday at 98c, Betty White returns in her toughest role. This time without a script and stuck in a home on the beach with seven other actors and actresses well past their prime. Don’t miss Nursing Home.”

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get you caught up quick because you just missed a lot. During the break, Jordan handed her drink to Rodney and walked into the men’s restroom. Yes it would appear that Rodney has stumbled upon a transvestite, and yet he does not know. In what has to be the worst luck, Rodney was more focused on finding a spot for his drinks and did not look up and notice what door Jordan entered. Nonetheless, Rodney entered the restroom himself, and must not have noticed what happened.

If you’re confused about the logistics of this back at home, then you’re not alone, but with a drunken Rod, anything is possible. In fact, I recall witnessing the fateful night that Rod got involved with some hallucinogenic drug, that made every person he saw appear to attack him. Rod threw more punches than I could count and wound up in the hospital, with a disorderly conduct charge at his bedside. Fortunately, Rod has stayed away from Key West and their  bar “No Hablo Ingles.”

They are now out on the dance floor and Rodney is getting down with his moves. Not as much bumping and grinding, but throwing in an occasional lift. Jordan is loving every minute of the Latina songs, and Rod continues to bring back drinks to get her in “the mood.” It wasn’t until 1:13 A.M. that the tides changed when Rod’s favorite band Los Osos de Leche came on with their hit “Arriba.” Rod was famous for bringing home two girls after his dancing skills blew away the crowd in previous matches. It appears that Rod will once again attempt to work in the lift from what I suspect to be his favorite movie, Dirty Dancing. After a few twists Rod has signaled for Jordan to make the leap and it seems that she will play along.

Folks this is getting out of control. Both of them are beginning to feel the heat of the night and a light glaze of sweat must be developing across each others’ foreheads. This certainly is awkward, as Rodney does not know the full truth about Jordan, and everybody else around does, by the puzzling looks of furrowed eyebrows. We go down to Frank one final time to see if “Da Champ” is able to close.

Thanks, Mitch. It is now 2:41 A.M. and Rod is ready to bring Jordan back to his place with him. His line is normally a surefire bet to bring back girls, as it has a 97% accuracy rate. Rod leads the league in the accuracy rate of his take-home line, and is one mere percentage point away from the all-time record set by Jack “Pants on Fire” Mason. We head down to the dance floor again to catch the conversation.

“Hey babe, do you like blueberries or bananas better?”

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“I’m only asking so I know what type of pancakes to have whipped up in the morning, if you know what I mean?”

“Eh … blueberries? I don’t understand”

The wink at the end of Rod’s last line sealed the deal for him Mitch, and the two of them are proceeding to hail a cab for his home. It’s a risk leaving the car parked in the lot across the street, but he’ll have to pick it up tomorrow to go back for it. We head back to you Mitch.

I’m joined by BSPN in-studio analyst, Zach Porter, for his take on the events that unfolded tonight.

-Thanks Mitch. Tonight we have just witnessed history, and not the kind worth remembering. This is the first time a non-female has been brought back in the ONS. Rod is a close personal friend of mine, and it’s a shame to see him end up with this result. Rod has always been strong, but this may force him into retirement, or even worse, to the pool hall “El Grande Burrito” to pick biker chicks. What we don’t realize is how much of his life Rodney has wasted declaring for the OSN, instead of slowing down outside of college. I can only imagine what rising stars Alex Ramos and Mike Williams must think when they see this.

Alright everybody. It’s too early now to determine how his night would go, but I imagine that tonight could force Rodney to take some time off and possibly see a psychologist. The cab ride home is only 11 minutes though, and the couple has arrived back a little tipsy, stumbling up the two front stairs smiling. Rodney has lived in the same two bedroom house for numerous years now, and the one story house on Sandy Lane has been said to be “where the magic happens.”

“I didn’t realize you were into my type Rod.”

“Your type?”

“You know … the whole transvestite thing.”

Rod looks to ignore the comment though and direct her right to the bedroom where he’s sure in for a surprise. He’ll head to the bedroom where I can only imagine to hear screams of terror coming from in the next 10 minutes. Otherwise, I don’t see pancakes in the future.

But that concludes tonight’s show for us folks. You can find postgame analysis and reaction online. I’m Mitch Rogers, speaking for my friend Frank Howard and the rest of the crew on BSPN 2. Please, join us next weekend when we follow Rod again, this time at the strip club, Enrique’s Volcanic Eruptions.

WHY I WRITE (Final)

I write because I stole a pack of gum

I should have known.

I should have known from the age of eight years old why I write.

I should have known after that Saturday morning in June, when I stole a pack of gum, I wanted to control the story.

Of course, I also wish I could remember the story I told that day.

But I should have known that as I built a combination of lies, excuses and truths into one story to escape getting caught by my parents, I was already controlling the story. As I stood in kitchen with the 25-cent pack of Juicy Fruit —refusing to turn myself in — and instead let the web I built talk myself out of trouble, I was controlling the story.

I failed to get out of trouble.

Yet, I should have known that I also succeeded.

I should have known that as I grew up I was better at crafting believable stories, using language to morph the truth into something different. It was a rush while being cathartic at the same time. I had control over how a story was told and I should have seen the tools for doing so at an early age.

I should have seen my exaggeration and anxiety would lead me to provide as many details as possible. The anxiety of being caught with that pack of gum led to my exaggeration of a story. I was at risk of losing my control over a simple situation — a simple story.

And I believe that we all are similar in that we all want to control how our story, or at least a story, is told.

Our stories may not all be entertaining, but we have something interesting and different than anyone else (unless your clone is writing the story, then you might have the same experience). I enjoy providing my perspective and telling others about my opinion, adding different aspects to my story like that last bit about the clone.

It’s not telling the story, that’s important, but how it’s told. The fact that I stole a pack of gum alone can be boring, but much like this piece, I am inclined to control every minute detail until it reads the way I want.

This concept of controlling, not telling stories, is what makes me unique.

I should have known that I would be driven to control stories later in my life because my story would be boring or difficult. I wouldn’t be content just rehashing events — I would need to move on to the stories of others

I should have known that desire to write comes from my desire to deconstruct someone’s life and piece it back together. It was the desire to rebuild my own story — to have some sense of control over reality. I think about how I can take somebody’s cliché story (and what feels annoying oftentimes, if I might add) of coming from an athletic background and spin it to be something new. Or how I can take a story about stealing gum because my mother wouldn’t buy it for me and transform the meaning.

And maybe it’s all a selfish process. I want people to like MY story from MY perspective in MY voice. I like knowing that when I deconstruct stories, my version might just be more entertaining.

I should have known just by looking at grades that I was stronger in reading and writing. But I never wrote poetry for the sake of writing, read a book for fun or opted to keep some sort of diary or record. I couldn’t even finish the Harry Potter series because I was more content seeing the movies. My teachers never expected me end up where I am now. But they didn’t know about that pack of gum I stole and the fire it ignited.

They had no way of knowing. But I should have known earlier that I was going to control stories.

Somewhere between the start of college and the beginning of middle school years something in me must have changed (cognitive, of course).

I should have known when I first decided I wanted to be a journalist that I wanted to build a new story. I made it halfway through a hockey story in The Michigan Daily about the performance of the power-play unit before I stopped reading. I thought to myself, “I can write a better story than this.” And so I sought out a way to get involved in The Daily and it was there that I confirmed my claim. (I’m sure everyone has read The Daily and thought they could do better, though.)

So maybe it was driven by my selfishness.

But whether I control a story about the gum, or I control a story about an athletic event, they one thing in common is that desire, that need, to control the story surrounding it. I’m not more interested in one than the other. I’d be glad to write about anything, as long as I wrote it.

At the Daily, I have control over what is included and excluded in stories. No one gets to determine my writing process, but myself (and occasionally the editor who corrects my mistakes).

I should have known that the power I hold over language, to make someone laugh, cry or both, was a power that became addicting. Writing, as a field, offered something that no other field could.

Mathematicians can’t change the answers to an equation, scientists don’t possess the power to shift nature and historians are unable to alter the past.

Even if I can’t change facts, I can still dictate how many are shared, how they are perceived or the perspective from which it is told an understood. Sometimes, there aren’t even facts, just answers.

And maybe that’s the best part. That there was a pack with five sticks of gum, and I could escape trouble with language. I wasn’t necessarily changing them, just changing the details. If only I had known I was deconstructing and rebuilding a new story then.

But why continue to work at writing? Why do I feel the need to take classes and pursue a career in something where craft stories? Why does anyone continue to learn how to write?

I guess I should have known that I couldn’t, and still can’t, stop writing the best story. I continue to write because I not only want to control the story, but I want to be strong enough that it isn’t a struggle to transform language.

It’s just like the sports I enjoy covering so much. No team would practice unless they felt the need to improve.

I should have known that controlling my own story would be difficult. It should be easy to take down what I did, why I did and why it matters in 1000 words. After all, it’s what I do with everyone else’s story.

But I can’t take the facts of my life and enhance them like I can with someone else’s.

That’s tough to accept when you want to control the story.  And I should have known that 1193 words ago.

REPURPOSED (2nd and Final)

Repurposed — Impacts of MTV Reality TV

 The concept of “Jersey Shore” (my selected reality show) doesn’t necessarily seem original when compared with other reality TV shows like The Real World and The Hills.  It’s a simple idea to have complete strangers live together and follow them around as they go about their lives, hoping for drama to ensue. We, as viewers, get the sense that anything and everything can happen with cliffhangers and ambiguity, but we soon catch the scripted nature of the show. But it isn’t similar to shows like the original Big Brother or Survivor, its organized and laid out so that it fits a storyline and not that of organic nature. It’s clear that cast members fight so frequently because of clashing personalities created by producers. We see the stars show off their breasts or freshly tanned six-packs without having to disguise it because it gives us someone to fantasize about or relate with. But if it’s so simple and so scripted, why is it so popular and why do we even watch reality TV? Why do we have the genre devoted to “reality” in the first place? In what ways does it entertain us? Whatever the reason, reality TV gives something for teenagers and young adults (the 15 to 25-year-old demographic) to aspire to at an age when their identities are being shaped. Using provocative clothing and the perfect angle to show off bodies, unresolved conflicts that somehow magically disappear at the end of the show and classifying characters into persona types, Jersey Shore sends out a superficial signal. The ultimate result can be a misplaced sense of body image, an inability to solve conflict face to face and an extreme division of morals.

The season five finale is a perfect example of things that characterize Jersey Shore. There are the eight housemates who all spend over five minutes of a 43-minute program dressing themselves, applying makeup and fretting about their appearance. They head to nightclub for a night of partying, without having shown or mentioned anything about working to afford the drinks they consume. There’s the arguments and drama that follows at the club over what he said to her about her sister whose boyfriend his cousin. And how does it all end? With hugs, kisses and bunch of “Love you” and “I’m going to miss you.”  The show is designed by producers and directors, who tailor the show to what sells: looks, drama and love. Everything Jersey Shore symbolizes highlights some of the least important facets in our lives, no matter what age, and stresses the issue that reality will work itself out somehow.

So what’s the problem with stressing about appearance? Even two decades ago we spent $20 billion on cosmetics, and as the number increases we spend less on environmental issues, charitable organizations or our education (Bradley.edu) We continue to worry about body image, as 60% of students at this university spend time and effort on losing weight (Michigandaily.com) Not once does the character Vinny suggest that he is picking up girls with the best personality, but rather indicates that he has found a couple of “pretty hot” girls. The first consequence is that viewers are likely to focus on their body image in the hopes that they will find someone equally as good looking (or as they perceive it). It could translate to things like job interviews, where candidates are more concerned about their outfit than their résumé, or to their education, where students want to impress the girl in class instead of doing homework (unfortunately, this is drawn from a real life example).

The camera angles in Jersey Shore aid their characters’ appearance by highlighting the physical features of the participants. This episode makes use of high-angle and low-angle shots — shots in which the camera is placed above and below the subject — to accentuate their bodies. These shots give us an angle that makes breast appear bigger (high-angle) or abs appear more defined (low-angle). Neither of these is simply trying to convey the roommates getting ready for their final night on the club, but instead focuses on how attractive they are. Ultimately, the angles enhance the reality of how they would look in person and leave those who look any different trying harder to imitate.

The underlying conflict in the season five finale is between a pair of characters, over the unnecessary comments made by one character about the sister of another. Mike “The Situation” (a man with an ego too big for New York City) decides to share a trait about the sex life of Deena’s (a petite woman with an annoying voice) sister. It acts as the focus of the show during the middle, highlighted by yelling and confrontation that leads to nothing more than a snarky “whatever.” There is no solution explaining how Mike apologized for sharing a private detail, or from Deena for threatening to hurt him. It’s almost as if they realized it’s a silly argument in the first place and decide to spend their efforts on the partying. If no resolution is presented in the end, or no conversation skills to create a solution are present than there is nothing to learn from. In reality, conflicts can become grudges, cost people relationships, jobs or personal belongings. Since no work is put into solving the conflict then it will put less of a value on working together or actively listening because the result will work itself out.

Reality TV benefits from this structure because it makes conflict resolution look easy. The idea of being more efficient, in this case not saying anything, appeals to viewers because it stretches the boundaries of what should and should not be done. Reality TV gives us a place to look to because it uses actual scenarios, offering a real opportunity to show how actions can be resolved with words (or vice versa). It takes away from the sensitivity, or hurt feelings others have by promoting a “they’ll get over it” attitude, which may mean that the person stays upset longer.

And finally, Jersey Shore takes enigma codes they set up — comforting versus heartless, introverted versus extroverted, forceful versus relaxed — that enable us to choose one or the other. There is a little room in the middle ground for someone to be introverted yet forceful or relaxed and comforting. It has the consequence in politics most notably, where we must either choose an allegiance to the Democratic Party or to the Republican Party. This type of setup creates a good versus evil mindset that only two sides exist to a story. Jersey Shore doesn’t account for someone agreeing with two different characters because that would make it confusing. Life is easier to break up into two parts instead of an intertwined web — all of which Jersey Shore capitalizes on. This is unlike dramas or soap operas, where both of the intentionally scripted shows build a complex system of relationships and plots within the show to keep viewers coming back.

Certainly, though, Jersey Shore uses people that are not the most intellectual or critical thinkers. It gives viewers a chance to feel good about themselves, to think “well at least I’m not him.” It allows us to laugh at others without feeling as bad, or cry after an emotional moment because we can sympathize with the character. Like a movie or a sitcom, they allow us to relate with characters and parallel our lives to something that is more noteworthy or interesting. The producers and creators use content that we come back to and enjoy, so Jersey Shore can’t be doing anything more than using its obvious simplemindedness to attract even the brightest individuals.

Jersey Shore also affects viewers in a subliminal way — something that doesn’t seem as obvious as appearance or the words they use. Because viewers of the show are smart enough to understand that fact that Jersey Shore doesn’t have the brightest individuals, they aren’t tuning into it for insight. They tune in to see a reflection, not of themselves, but of the person they don’t want to be — “that guy” or “that bitch.” Nobody wants to be that person, who is laughed at, teased, insulted and so utterly ridiculous, so watching Jersey Shore, in a way, is a time to laugh at what they are not. It makes others feel good about themselves, too: “Well, today you screamed at your boyfriend for not texting you within five minutes, but that’s alright, because at least you didn’t tell your roommate that her boyfriend slept with another woman.” It reassures the viewer that what they are doing is acceptable, so long as it doesn’t bear resemblance to the reality show.

Yet the show also appeals to its American audience because attracts those who construct the American way of life. The one built on working your way from the bottom to the top, earning something and not freeloading, being selfless and not selfish. Jersey Shore, using the mirror that reflects what American should not be doing, also draws viewers in this way. The producers are counting on viewers thinking, “at least I fit in with my culture, that I am accepted, at least I’m above them.” So, maybe Jersey Shore reinforces the beliefs of a country that values nationalism. When the boys compete with the girls in the penultimate episode for the best prank, the show displays that sense of competition and work. Reality shows like American Idol play on this “American Dream” and nationalist sensation that anyone can make it with a little hard work. One is more explicit, and the other implicit.

To conclude, it is the emphasis on the body image, the magical resolution of a conflict and the continual reference and design of characters in such extremes of either good or bad are consequences of Jersey Shore. The greater problem is that Jersey Shore isn’t alone in its promotion of body image and creation of drama without resolution. Reality television is a cheap and easy format that has a proven track record for success, which means that it wasn’t the first to demonstrate these values and it may not be the last. So how can it be changed to something productive and maybe even helpful? Fixing Reality TV is difficult because it would mean a failing business model, but it might require a shift toward a documentary style. Instead of adding the music in the background, fixating on the body and setting up enigma codes, let the camera follow around the characters and observe what happens. Maybe we don’t need a genre devoted to reality television. The truth might just be that reality may not be very entertaining. But then reality TV never was very complicated.

Me

WHY I WRITE (3rd)

I write because I stole a pack of gum

I should have known.

I should have known from the age of eight years old why I write.

I should have known that after that Saturday in June when I stole a pack of gum, I was going to be a good storyteller.

I built a combination of lies, excuses and truth into one story to escape getting caught by my parents. I stood in kitchen with the 25-cent pack of Juicy Fruit, refusing to turn myself in, and instead let the web I built, talk myself out of trouble.

I failed.

Yet I succeeded.

I should have known that as I grew up I was better at making believable stories, using language to morph the truth into something different. It was a rush while being cathartic at the same time. I had control over how a story was told and I should have seen the tools for doing so at an early age.

I should have seen my exaggeration and anxiety would lead me to provide as many details as possible. The anxiety of being caught with that pack of gum led to my exaggeration of a story. I was at risk of losing my control over a simple situation — a simple story.

And I believe that we all are similar in that we all want to control how our story, or at least a story.

Our stories may not all be entertaining, but we have something interesting and different than anyone else (unless your clone is writing the story, then you might have the same experience). And I, unfortunately, am not unique in this example. I like telling my story, providing my perspective and telling others about my opinion. In a way we all like the attention that comes with our story.

However, I am unique in that I enjoy telling others’ stories, too, regardless of the attention that comes with it. I should have known that my story would be boring or difficult, that I would need to move on to the stories of others

I should have known that desire to write comes from my desire to deconstruct someone’s life and piece it back together came from my early to desire to rebuild my own story — to have some sense of control over reality. I think about how I can take somebody’s cliché story (and what feels annoying oftentimes, if I might add) of coming from an athletic background and spin it to be something new. I like how I can look back at my attempt to deconstruct a story and then deconstruct my method of deconstruction.

I should have known just by looking at grades that I was stronger in reading and writing. But I never wrote poetry for the sake of writing, read a book for fun or opted to keep some sort of diary or record. I couldn’t even finish the Harry Potter series because I was more content seeing the movies. My teachers never expected me end up where I am now.

Yet somewhere between the start of college and the beginning of middle school years something in me must have changed (cognitive, of course)

I should have known when I first decided I wanted to be a journalist that I wanted to build a new story. I made it halfway through a hockey story in The Michigan Daily about the performance of the power-play unit before I stopped reading.

I was taking away nothing new and nothing entertaining from the story. I thought to myself, “I can write a better story than this.” And so I sought out a way to get involved in The Daily and it was there that I confirmed my claim. (I’m sure everyone has read The Daily and thought they could do better, though.)

Easing my way through the process, I watched as my stories grew in complexity and creativity, making my need for deconstruction and reconstruction grow — my need to control the story. I wrote stories about softball players catching M and M’s, an Olympic hurdler who dove at the finish line, a volleyball team that had a dance party during a game and a high school women’s basketball game that was beyond boring to witness.

I had (and still do have, of course) control over what was included and excluded. No one gets to determine my writing process, but myself.

I should have known that the power I hold over language, to make someone laugh, cry or both was a power was addicting. Writing, as a field, offered something that no other field can.

Mathematicians can’t change the answers to an equation, scientists don’t possess the power to shift nature and historians are unable to alter the past.

Even if I can’t change facts, I can still dictate how many are shared, how they are perceived or the perspective from which it is told an understood. Sometimes, there aren’t even facts, just answers.

And maybe that’s the best part. That there was a pack of five sticks of gum, and I could escape trouble with language. I wasn’t necessarily changing them, just changing the details. If only I had known I was deconstructing and reconstructing a story then.

I wasn’t even that interested in the gum. But both that pack of gum and the field of sports don’t matter, because the one thing they have in common was my desire to tell a story.

But why continue to work at writing? Why not move to speaking or painting stories? Why do I feel the need to take classes and pursue a career in something where craft stories? Why does anyone continue to learn how to write?

I should have known that I couldn’t stop writing the best story. I continue to write because I not only want to control the story but I want to be strong enough that it isn’t a struggle to transform language the way I am.

It’s just like the sports I enjoy covering so much. No team would practice unless they felt the need to improve.

But even then, I should have known that controlling my own story would be difficult. It should be easy to take down what I did, why I did and why it matters in 1000 words. After all, it’s what I do with everyone else’s story.

But I can’t take the facts of my life and enhance them like I can with someone else’s.

And that’s tough to accept when you want to control the story.  And I should have known that 1096 words ago.

REMEDIATED (1st)

Links to audio:

https://soundcloud.com/stream

Script:

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen! We’ve got a great one here tonight. It’s a hot and sultry Saturday night for our matchup this evening — highlighted by the first-ranked heavyweight power, Rodney “Da Champ” Gibson in  one of the most stacked fields, all at Miami’s hottest club, Café Tijuana.

Thanks for joining us folks, the atmosphere here is electric tonight, and is expected to be yet another sellout for this popular salsa café. I’m your host, Mitch Rogers, and I’m joined by my co-host and compadre, our field reporter Frank Howard. We’re bringing you limited commercial interruption coverage on the BSPN 2 Radio, Bar Scene Programming Network — the world’s first and only news source for action from the hottest clubs and bars.

We’ve been following Rodney, or Rod as he often refers to himself, for quite some time now. He has managed to sneak his way into the number one seed heading into tonight’s matchup. It’s been a rather strange year, as he started out with a defensive, laid back approach, where Rod allows the ladies to gravitate to him. Until recently, when he switched to a season changing, more offensive, aggressive style of play where he seeks out the women. For the past month now, Rod has been bringing back girls on a consistent basis, and tonight he looks to rebound after a poor showing last weekend at “La Noche de Gatitios”, the popular bar on Fifth Street. Café Tijuana is a different environment though, and it should be exciting to see “Da Champ” on the road again tonight.

The biggest story tonight though, will be if Rodney can regain his composure and bring home some chicks, in what has been called one of “the most hostile territories” to play on the road. Last weekend, Rodney went 0-3 and was shutout without capitalizing on his final moves. Dropping lines like the classic “That shirt would look better off of you” or “You look radiant tonight” would normally secure some sort of points for Rod, but last weekend was an upset. In the past month, the strategy Rodney fell back on last weekend, was a new style of play for the 32 year old man who started searching out prime targets. What was once a foreign, and surprising move for the former pharmacist, is now a part of his regular routine and strategy.

Let’s take you back six to seven months ago when Rodney was primarily a relaxed player who relied on the babes to find him and use less effort than other players out in the ONS Conference. The One Night Stand Conference provides stiff competition, but Rodney has always been a powerhouse every year, even with his unique style. It’s difficult to look back now and say where Rodney switched up his game plan, but one has to think it was the end of June when the new group of college graduates settled into Miami for their internships, and were interested in more active men. “Da Champ” went on a cold streak throughout the summer, spending many weekends without company and even sacrificing some weekends for work, an unheard of move. As former legend Fitz Jones would say, “Desperate times call for men to grow a pair.”

While it was difficult to pinpoint Rod’s slump, it was relatively easy to see his rise back to the top. We all watched Rodney after graduating from the University of North Carolina as a pharmacist, where he began working for a lesser-known drug company, Plan C. Part of Rodney’s success was his ability to tell the truth about working in the Pharmacy field, and attract girls with wealth. It wasn’t until August though, after Rod’s big slump from June, that he interviewed for Vice President of Plan C and got the job. Shortly after, we saw the reinvented Rodney come back slowly to the bars, while helping to expand and rename the company, Painless Pleasures. The title of Businessman was something “Da Champ” could flaunt to the females, and with a new aggressive mindset, Rodney beat out the others in the ONS Conference.

We’re going to cut to a short commercial while we wait for the first half to begin.

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And we’re back. It’s now 10:46 P.M. and Rodney has just pulled up to Café Tijuana in his new 2011, black Lexus. Sporting his sunglasses at night with the Faux hawk, Rodney has pulled off the douche bag look that many of the girls really enjoy. Let’s go down to Frank for a more detailed report on Rod’s appearance for tonight.

Thanks  Mitch. I’m down here at the entrance where the big story right now is “Da Champs” look heading into the club. Rod has just stepped out and it is evident that he has chosen to be bold tonight and sport a salmon colored shirt with his sleeves rolled halfway up to his forearms. He also included some simple black pants, a black belt, and black Oxfords to compliment that embarrassing shirt. Had it not been for the sandy brown hair, gelled into a Faux Hawk, this look would set Rod up for disaster. In fact, there’s enough gel on top of his circular head to encase Rosie O’Donnell. Nonetheless Mitch, he is still playing on the risky side tonight, after last week’s horrendous showing at La Noche de Gatitos.

We’re back to the booth now, and Rodney has just walked through with what he said in an interview earlier this week as “swag.” Rodney was unable to come up with a real explanation besides quoting a rap artist he doesn’t even know saying “I’m doing me.” As he walks to the bar with his swag, it would appear that he merely carries his shoulders high, with a little spring in his step. Nothing fancy, but he does it slowly enough to gain attention from everyone that happened to make it into the club, though I suspect those aren’t looks of satisfaction. He’s reached the bar though, and it’s time for the first drink of the night. We’ll go down to Frank again to get the live call on the field.

Mitch, I’m standing next to Todd, the Bartender, who has been a working now for 17 years at Café Tijuana serving up his mediocre concoctions to the rich public. Todd handles all of Rodney’s drink orders when he comes into his club, after it was he who was working the night Rod began his first hot streak. He informed me in an earlier interview, that in the past Rodney’s drinks have included the Dry Martini, Whiskey on the Rocks, and water. Last weekend, if you remember, Rodney ordered Captain and Coke, because that was all that new Cuban bartender Juan knew how to make. It appears though, that Rodney has made his way to the bar and is ready to make his decision. Let’s listen in.

“Give me a Kamikaze Todd.”

“What the hell is that? I make drinks, not Japanese fighter pilots.”

“Thanks Todd-o. I’ll be back later.”

Oh my Lord! Ladies and gentlemen, in a surprise move Rodney appears to be ordering a special drink tonight, the famous Kamikaze. This shot is sure to pack a punch. A mixture of Smirnoff vodka, the official sponsor of BSPN, triple sec, and lime juice, this drink is a surprise pick, as it is not in Rodney’s character. Going from the classics to the lesser known drinks, tells us that Rod is not feeling like his normal calm, collected, and unwilling to change self, but rather wild, adventurous, and change of pace, like his drink. Folks, you aren’t going to want to miss a minute of tonight’s action. Let’s get back down to the bar.

“A what? Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Rodney took of his sunglasses and kept a straight face to reinforce his point. This should not surprise us though, because often Rodney can be unpredictable. “Da Champ” is coming out in full force tonight and seems to be willing to handle the risks that accompany such a drink. Obviously, getting hammered tonight is a part of his strategy, but it will be interesting to see if he can hold himself back from getting too plastered, so that he can continue with logical conversation. Rod must be looking to make a total turnaround to avoid a repeat of last weekend’s nightmare.

We’ve hinted at it before, but Rod’s most recent night at La Noche de Gatitos was a night of infamy. Rod had walked in prepared like he normally had, and was forced out by the souless bouncers. Attempt after attempt, Rod could not convince a female, or probably a mouse for that matter, to attend the party in his pants. After disturbing enough females, Rod was instructed to leave, but was too belligerent to comprehend, and thus his ass kicking. It was abnormal of Rod’s overall style of play, but just like the great Chad Feldman, Rod had an off night.

Todd the bartender still mixes Rodney’s drink despite the cursing underneath his breath, and with that completed, the match is under way. Under “Da Champ’s” new style of play, his first play is normally to find a small group or pair of girls that he can begin to sweet talk. Rodney’s has the big blue eyes of a hawk, so picking a few girls out of the crowd is easy for the veteran. However, it’s been five minutes still and Rod has yet to find anyone, which does not bade well for him. It’s crucial that he jumps out to a fast start tonight, otherwise we could be looking at replay of last weekend. We’ll take another commercial break, before we find out if Rod can redeem himself.

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Alright folks we’re back, and Rodney has finally spotted someone, and this girl appears to have an empty hand, which means that buying her a drink is a perfect segue into starting a conversation with her. It’s a predictable play, but it is a safe one, and therefore I would expect Rod to start off with it. The music has started to pick up and the dancing has started, so let’s go down to Frank once again to see if we can get a better view of what is happening.

Mitch, it appears that Rodney has just downed his drink and is going back to the bar for two drinks. It looks like the smart play here would be to bring back a Martini for himself and order her an Appletini, but Rodney always has an unpredictable mood so we’ll have to wait and see. I can’t quite hear the conversation at the bar right now, but Todd looks just as shocked to hear Rod’s order. Upon closer view … oh dear god! Rodney is coming back with a glass of Disaronno on the rocks and a Daiquiri. Mitch, he is now headed straight to the blonde, long haired woman, conversing with her other friend.

Guys and gals, in a never before seen move, “Da Champ” is putting his reputation on the line and risk another rejection. I’m not sure if this is a smart move folks, the Disaronno is not exactly a safe pick and can lead to the nasty, eye roll from this girl and a possible snicker from her friend. Even stranger is the thought that the daiquiri will be accepted by the girl. Rod is walking over at a fast pace now to make sure he claims his territory. This lady is a looker though. Her black high heels, short black cocktail dress, and straightened  blonde hair screams tourist to the city. From here it looks as if she has blue eyes as well, which Rodney has been a big fan of. The statistics don’t lie on this one, though. 68% of girls “Da Champ” has brought back for the extracurricular activities have had blue eyes. We’ll kick it back to Frank, as he has Rod “miced up”.

That’s right Mitch, Rodney has his microphone on and we’ll be able to hear the reaction of the stranger and her friend, as we watch Rod go in on the prey this time.

“Hello there. I couldn’t help, but notice that your hand was empty. I thought you might enjoy this.”

Folks, Rodney has opened with a Cliché line that really brings into question why it was included. He’s handing the drink to her now, and she seems to be showing no response.

“My name is Rod. Let’s cut to the chase. Tell me your name and I’ll make sure to mention it after we’re done later tonight?”

“Uhh – I um… my name is Jessica. I’m sorry, but is this a daiquiri?”

“Yes ma’am it most certainly is.”

“Well I appreciate your gesture, but I, I am … allergic to alcohol, and … my boy friend was bringing my friend and I something without alcohol. It was nice to meet you though.”

Oooh that has to sting. Rodney attempted a risky move and was left with nothing in the end. He’s walking around aimlessly now, dumbfounded,  and trying to regain composure. That play is going to hurt his chances moving forward. Mitch back to you in the booth.

Well you just heard it ladies and gentlemen, “Da Champ” himself was just obliterated after his first move. Less than four minutes of conversation isn’t even enough to be considered a solid attempt. Even worse, her excuse that she is allergic to alcohol and has a boyfriend is a big “Fuck you!” What type of girl comes to one of the busiest clubs in all of Miami with a boyfriend, and let alone is allergic to alcohol?  Our friends in the booth report that only one instance has been reported where a member of the OSN was rejected because a female was allergic to the fantastic substance. Nevertheless, we’re going to be able to tell a lot about Rodney, by the way he reacts in the next five minutes.

The key to his next play will be time. He has a short window of time before the clock hits midnight, and his strength all season has been securing a female before then. It is after that deadline that “Da Champ” can impress the ladies with his dancing skills and jack ass attitude that the woman also cannot get enough. Right now, he has two drinks in his hand which can also backfire quickly, if he does not get rid of it.

Wait! What’s this? It appears that Rodney has found a woman walking alone. This is surely an act of God, as no woman ever walks alone in Café Tijuana at Midnight without a man. With that, we quickly head down to Frank again to see if he can give us the conversation that Rod is about to initiate.

That’s right Mitch, Rod is currently approaching the tall, brown haired, woman standing alone near the wall. She has thick eye brows, a blemish or two, and is wearing a skin tight top with a loose short skirt. She has larger arms and legs, but still has a thin build, however, she does not have blue eyes but rather brown. “Da Champ” still goes in to make his comeback.

“Well hey there. I must say you look good tonight. What are you doing over here all alone though?”

“I – well I was just here for a little bit.”

This is a good sign for Rod Mitch. Her pathetic response shows that she was waiting for a man of Rodney’s well-built stature to begin flirting.

“Have this drink then. Is this daiquiri alright?”

“Yes! I haven’t enjoyed one of these for some time. Thank You.”

What the Hell? I cannot believe what I am seeing. The female is taking kindly to the drink and this night has turned around drastically for Rod. This is the Rod were used to seeing ladies and gentlemen. The one that gets up when he’s knocked down and work for what he wants. Just when we thought his night was over, it’s just beginning. Let’s head back down and continue listening.

“I’m Jordan, by the way.”

“I’m Rodney, but you can call me Rod.”

Mitch, this series of events is unfolding rapidly. There has been a smile on Jordan’s face the entire time now, and I’m 87% sure that Rod just winked at her.

“Jordan, I feel our time talking is being wasted when we could be dancing. You know how to shake that ass?”

“Of course. Is it cool if I slip into the bathroom first?

“Smart idea. I’ll stop in as well in a second, and meet you back on the dance floor. Come prepared to move.”

Thank you Frank for that coverage. We’re going to take a quick commercial break again, while we wait to see what Rodney brings out on the dance floor.

“Premiering on NBC this Thursday at 98c, Betty White returns in her toughest role. This time without a script and stuck in a home on the beach with seven other actors and actresses well past their prime. Don’t miss Nursing Home.”

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get you caught up quick because you just missed a lot. During the break, Jordan handed her drink to Rodney and walked into the men’s restroom. Yes it would appear that Rodney has stumbled upon a transvestite, and yet he does not know. In what has to be the worst luck, Rodney was more focused on finding a spot for his drinks and did not look up and notice what door Jordan entered. Nonetheless, Rodney entered the restroom himself, and must not have noticed what happened.

If you’re confused about the logistics of this back at home, then you’re not alone, but with a drunken Rod, anything is possible. In fact, I recall witnessing the fateful night that Rod got involved with some hallucinogenic drug, that made every person he saw appear to attack him. Rod threw more punches than I could count and wound up in the hospital, with a disorderly conduct charge at his bedside. Fortunately, Rod has stayed away from Key West and their  bar “No Hablo Ingles.”

They are now out on the dance floor and Rodney is getting down with his moves. Not as much bumping and grinding, but throwing in an occasional lift. Jordan is loving every minute of the Latina songs, and Rod continues to bring back drinks to get her in “the mood.” It wasn’t until 1:13 A.M. that the tides changed when Rod’s favorite band Los Osos de Leche came on with their hit “Arriba.” Rod was famous for bringing home two girls after his dancing skills blew away the crowd in previous matches. It appears that Rod will once again attempt to work in the lift from what I suspect to be his favorite movie, Dirty Dancing. After a few twists Rod has signaled for Jordan to make the leap and it seems that she will play along.

Folks this is getting out of control. Both of them are beginning to feel the heat of the night and a light glaze of sweat must be developing across each others’ foreheads. This certainly is awkward, as Rodney does not know the full truth about Jordan, and everybody else around does, by the puzzling looks of furrowed eyebrows. We go down to Frank one final time to see if “Da Champ” is able to close.

Thanks, Mitch. It is now 2:41 A.M. and Rod is ready to bring Jordan back to his place with him. His line is normally a surefire bet to bring back girls, as it has a 97% accuracy rate. Rod leads the league in the accuracy rate of his take-home line, and is one mere percentage point away from the all-time record set by Jack “Pants on Fire” Mason. We head down to the dance floor again to catch the conversation.

“Hey babe, do you like blueberries or bananas better?”

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“I’m only asking so I know what type of pancakes to have whipped up in the morning, if you know what I mean?”

“Eh … blueberries?”

The wink at the end of Rod’s last line sealed the deal for him Mitch, and the two of them are proceeding to hail a cab for his home. It’s a risk leaving the car parked in the lot across the street, but he’ll have to pick it up tomorrow to go back for it. We head back to you Mitch.

Alright Frank. It’s too early now to determine how his night would go, but I imagine that tonight could force Rodney to take some time off and possibly see a psychologist. The cab ride home is only 11 minutes though, and the couple has arrived back a little tipsy, stumbling up the two front stairs smiling. Rodney has lived in the same two bedroom house for numerous years now, and the one story house on Sandy Lane has been said to be “where the magic happens.” Rodney unlocks the door and appears to hear a noise come from inside the house, but is distracted by Jordan’s comment.

“I didn’t realize you were into my type Rod.”

“Your type?”

“You know … the whole transvestite thing.”

By this point though, Rod will ignore the comments and head right to his bar to pour two glasses of wine to set the move. It’s the oldest move in the books, but Rod is no rookie and pours some of the 1967 Cabernet.

He’ll head to the bedroom where I can only imagine to hear screams of terror coming from in the next 10 minutes. Otherwise, I don’t see pancakes in the future.

But that concludes tonight’s show for us folks. I’m Mitch Rogers, speaking for my friend Frank Howard and the rest of the crew on BSPN 2. Please, join us next weekend when we follow Rod again, this time at the strip club, Enrique’s Volcanic Eruptions.

REPURPOSED (1st)

Repurposed — Impacts of MTV Reality TV

The concept of “Jersey Shore” (my selected reality show) doesn’t necessarily seem original when compared with other reality TV shows like The Real World and The Hills.  It’s a simple idea, really, to have complete strangers live together and follow them around as they go about their lives, hoping for drama to ensue. We, as viewers, get the sense that anything and everything can happen with cliffhangers and ambiguity, but we soon catch the scripted nature of the show. It’s clear that they fight so frequently because of clashing personalities organized by producers. We see the individuals show off their breasts or freshly tanned six-packs without having to disguise it because it gives us someone to fantasize and relate with. But if it is so simple and so scripted, why is it so popular and why do we even watch reality TV? In what ways does it entertain us? I think that reality TV serves as a window for teenagers and young adults — the 15 to 25-year-old demographic — to aspire to follow after at an age when their identities are being shaped. Using provocative clothing and the perfect angle to show off bodies, unresolved conflicts that somehow magically disappear at the end of the show and classifying characters into persona types. The ultimate result can be a misplaced sense of body image, an inability to solve conflict face to face and an extreme division of morals.

The season five finale is a perfect example of things that characterize Jersey Shore. There are the eight housemates who all spend over five minutes of a 43-minute program dressing themselves, applying makeup and fretting about their appearance. They head to nightclub for a night of partying, without having shown or mentioned anything about working to afford the drinks they consume. There’s the arguments and drama that follows at the club over what he said to her about her sister who’s boyfriend his cousin (I wish that rambling sentence was less true than it was explained in the show). And how does it all end? With hugs, kisses and bunch of “Love you” and “I’m going to miss you.”  The show is all designed by producers and directors, who tailor the show to what sells: looks, drama and love. Everything Jersey Shore symbolizes highlights some of the least important facets in our lives, no matter what age, and stresses the issue that we reality will work itself out somehow.

So what’s the problem with stressing about appearance? Even two decades ago we spent $20 billion on cosmetics, and as the number increases we spend less on environmental issues, charitable organizations or our education (Bradley.edu) We continue to worry about body image, as 60% of students at this university spend time and effort on losing weight (Michigandaily.com) Not once does the character Vinny suggest that he is picking up girls with the best personality, but rather indicates that he has found a couple of “pretty hot” girls. The first consequence then, is that viewers are likely to focus on their body image in the hopes that they will find someone equally as good looking (or as they perceive it). It could translate to things like job interviews, where candidates are more concerned about their outfit than their résumé, or to their education, where students want to impress the girl in class instead of doing homework (unfortunately, this is drawn from a real life example).

The camera angles in Jersey Shore aid their character’s appearance by highlighting the physical features of the participants. This episode makes use of high-angle and low-angle shots — shots in which the camera is placed above and below the subject — to accentuate their bodies. These shots give us an angle that makes breast appear bigger (high-angle) or abs appear more defined (low-angle). Neither of these is simply trying to convey the roommates getting ready for their final night on the club, but instead focuses on how attractive they are. Ultimately, the angles enhance the reality of how they would look in person and leave those who look to imitate trying harder.

The underlying conflict in the season five finale is between a pair of characters, over the unnecessary comments made by on e character about the sister of another. Mike “The Situation” (a man with an ego too small for New York City) decides to share a trait about the sex life of Deena’s (a petite woman with an annoying voice) sister. It acts as the focus of the show during the middle, highlighted by yelling and confrontation that leads to nothing more than a snarky “whatever.” There is no solution explaining how Mike apologized for sharing a private detail, or from Deena for threatening to hurt him. It’s almost as if they realized it’s a silly argument in the first place and decide to spend their efforts on the partying. If no resolution is presented in the end, or no conversation skills to create a solution are present than there is nothing to learn from. Since no work is put into solving the conflict then it will put less of a value on working together or actively listening because the result will work itself out.

Reality TV benefits from this structure because it makes conflict resolution look easy. The idea of being more efficient, in this case not saying anything, appeals to viewers because it stretches the boundaries of what should and should not be done. Reality TV gives us a place to look to because it uses actual scenarios, offering a real opportunity to show how actions can be resolved with words (or vice versa). It takes away from the sensitivity, or hurt feelings others have by promoting a “they’ll get over it” attitude, which may mean that the person stays upset longer.

And finally, Jersey Shore takes enigma codes they set up — comforting versus heartless, introverted versus extroverted, forceful versus relaxed — that enable us to choose one or the other. There is a little room in the middle ground for someone to be introverted yet forceful or relaxed and comforting. It has the consequence in politics most notably, where we must either choose an allegiance to the Democratic Party or to the Republican Party. This type of setup creates a good versus evil mindset that only two sides exist to a story. Jeresey Shore doesn’t account for someone agreeing with two different characters because that would make it confusing. Life is easier to break up into two parts instead of an intertwined web — all of which Jersey Shore capitalizes off of.

Certainly, though, jersey Shore uses people that are not the most intellectual or critical thinkers. It gives viewers a chance to feel good about themselves, to think “well at least I’m not him.” It allows us to laugh at others without feeling as bad, or cry after a emotional moment because we can sympathize with the character. Like a movie or a sitcom, they allow us to relate with characters and parallel our lives to something that is more noteworthy or interesting. The consequences of Jersey Shore aren’t to make us focused on our own image while escaping conflict, it is merely to get us to watch and bring in advertising revenue for ore profit. But the producers and creators use content that we come back to and enjoy, so Jersey Shore can’t be doing anything more than using its obvious simplemindedness to attract even the brightest individuals.

To conclude, it is the emphasis on the body image, the magical resolution of a conflict and the continual reference and design of characters in such extremes of either good or bad that are the result of Jersey Shore. The greater problem is that Jersey Shore isn’t alone in its promotion of body image and creation of drama without resolution. Reality television is a cheap and easy format that has a proven track record for success, which means that it wasn’t the first to demonstrate these values and it may not be the last. So how can it be changed to something productive and maybe even helpful? Fixing Reality TV is difficult because it would mean a failing business model, but it might require a shift toward a documentary style. Instead of adding the music in the background, fixating on the body and setting up enigma codes, let the camera follow around the characters and observe what happens. The truth may be that reality may not be very entertaining. But then reality TV never was very complicated.

Me Jumping

WHY I WRITE (2nd)

I write because I need to control the story

I believe we all have a story worthy of sharing.

I believe we all want that story to be shared.

And I believe we want to control how that story is told.

And it is this driving idea, this collective group of thoughts that we all have a story to be told, which explains why I write.

The human mentality as a whole has a desire to share its hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes, the daily activities — its story. With generations clinging to social media, there is greater ease to share their story by breaking up instead of all at once (duh.)

Our stories may not all be entertaining, but we have something interesting and different than anyone else (unless your clone is writing the story, then you might have the same experience).

And I, unfortunately, am not unique in this example. I like telling my story, providing my perspective and telling others about my opinion. In a way we all like the attention that comes with our story

However, I am unique in that I enjoy telling others’ stories, too, regardless of the attention that comes with it.

I suspect the desire stems from my inner “Gossip Girl” or a quest to know more about the newest matters developing in a scandal. There would be no need to work as a journalist unless I had new stories, new information to share with others.

I think my actual desire to write comes from my desire to deconstruct someone’s life and piece it back together — to have some sense of control over reality. I think about how I can take somebody’s cliché (and what feels annoying oftentimes, if I might add) story of coming from an athletic background and spin it to be something new. I like how I can look back at my attempt to deconstruct a story and then deconstruct my method of deconstruction.

I don’t believe my desire to deconstruct comes from an early age.  I have no recollection, no evidence, no stories from family and friends that explains why. My teachers (the ones I could tolerate holding a conversation with) never expected me end up where I am now.

Of course, I knew just by looking at grades that I was stronger in reading and writing, but it doesn’t explain my motives. I never wrote poetry for the sake of writing, read a book for fun or opted to keep some sort of diary or record. I couldn’t even finish the Harry Potter series because I was more content seeing the movies.

Out of any of the indicators, I see the only one being my desire to reenact sport scenes — famous basketball shots, walk-off home runs or throwing a Hail Mary. I don’t see this being different from any of the other boys and girls I reenacted these with, though.

But among my many revelations in this piece (and it feels cheesy every time I come to one) is that when I was little, I still enjoyed deconstructing these scenes. Exercising my control over a previous event and enhancing or replaying it for my entertainment. I certainly didn’t reenact and reconstruct sports scenes for others, quite the contrary, actually.

Yet somewhere between the start of college and the beginning of middle school years something in me must have changed (I’m referring to a cognitive change and nothing physical).

When I first decided I wanted to be a journalist I realized I was being a critic — deconstructing a piece I had not written. Midway through a hockey story in the Michigan Daily about the performance of the power-play unit I stopped reading. I was taking away nothing new and nothing entertaining from the story.

Then I thought to myself, “I can write a better story than this.” And so I sought out a way to get involved in The Daily and it was there that I confirmed my claim. (I’m sure everyone has read The Daily and thought they could do better, though.

Easing my way through the process, I watched as my stories grew in complexity and creativity, making my need for deconstruction and reconstruction grow — my need to control the story. I wrote stories about softball players catching M and M’s, an Olympic hurdler who dove at the finish line, a volleyball team that had a dance party during a game and a high school women’s basketball game that was beyond boring to witness.

I had (and still do have, of course) control over what was included and excluded. No one gets to determine my writing process, but myself.

So, when I wonder why I write I know it’s because I enjoy the control. The power that I can wield with a single phrase or single word is incredible.  It’s that phrase “The pen is mightier than the sword” that holds true in my mind. I could make someone cry after reading a piece because of the emotional weight my story carries. I could provoke anger or maybe even tears again with my writing.

Mathematicians can’t change math, scientists don’t possess the power to shift reality and historians are unable to alter the past.

I can’t change facts like the above careers, but I can still be correct even if I don’t include al of them.

Maybe a psychologist would say because I am 135 pounds, and weaker than many my age, that writing is a cowardly way to escape my battles. Maybe I would be told that I’m taking the easy way out and failing to consider the opposing perspective.

But someone has to dissect the journeys of the human race that still make up our world.

But why continue to work at writing? Why do I feel the need to take classes and pursue a career in something where craft stories? Why does anyone continue to learn how to write?

I believe the reason ultimately breaks downs to get better at it. I continue to write because I not only want to control the story but I want to be strong enough that it isn’t a truffle to transform language the way I am.

It’s just like the sports I enjoy covering so much. No team would practice unless they felt the need to improve.

What’s ironic, though, is that when it comes to transcribing my story — controlling how my life is written out — I struggle. It should be easy to take down what I did and why I did it in 1000 words. After all, it’s what I do with everyone else’s story.

But I can’t take the facts of my life and enhance them.

And that’s tough to accept when you want to control the story.

_____________________________

WHY I WRITE (1st)

I write because I need to control the story

I believe we all want our story told.

I also believe we want to control how that story is told.

The human mentality as a collective whole has a desire to share its hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes, the daily activities — its story. With generations clinging to social media, there is greater ease to share their story by breaking up instead of all at once (duh.)

We all have stories, too. Maybe not entertaining, but we have something interesting and different from anyone else (unless your clone is writing the story, then you might have the same experience).

And I, unfortunately, am not unique in this example. I like telling my story, providing my perspective and telling others about my opinion.

However, I am unique in that I enjoy telling others’ stories, too.

I suspect the desire stems from my inner “Gossip Girl” or a quest to know more about the newest matters developing in a scandal. (That could be because I just read about Manti Te’o’s awesome girlfriend.)

I think my actual desire to write comes from my desire to deconstruct someone’s life and piece it back together — to have some sense of control over reality. I think about how I can take somebody’s cliché (and annoying, if I might add) story of coming from an athletic background and spin it to be something new. I like how I can look back at my attempt to deconstruct a story and then deconstruct my method of deconstruction.

I don’t believe my desire to deconstruct comes from an early age. Of course, I knew just by looking at grades that I was stronger in reading and writing, but it doesn’t explain my motives. I never wrote poetry for fun, read a book instead of watched TV or opted to keep some sort of diary or record. I couldn’t even finish the Harry Potter series because I was more content seeing the movies.

Of all indicators, I see the only one being my desire to reenact sport scenes — famous basketball shots, walk-off home runs or throwing a Hail Mary. I don’t see this being different from any of the other boys and girls I reenacted these with.

But among my many revelations in this piece (and it feels cheesy every time I come to one) is that when I was little, I still enjoyed deconstructing these scenes. Exercising my control over a previous event and enhancing or replaying it for my entertainment.

When I first decided I wanted to be a journalist I realized I was being a critic — deconstructing a piece I had not written. Midway through a hockey story in the Michigan Daily about the performance of the power-play unit I stopped reading. I was taking away nothing new and nothing entertaining from the story.

Then I thought to myself, “I can write a better story than this.” And so I sought out a way to get involved in The Daily and it was there that I confirmed my claim.

Easing my way through the process, I watched as my stories grew in complexity and creativity, making my need for deconstruction grow — my need to control the story. I wrote stories about softball players catching M and M’s, an Olympic hurdler who dove at the finish line, a volleyball team that had a dance party during a game and a high school women’s basketball game that was beyond boring to witness.

And my writing was what made it enjoyable (I stand by that claim). I had (and still do have, of course) control over what was included and excluded. No one gets to determine my writing process, but myself.

So when I wonder why I write I know it’s because I enjoy the control. The power that I can wield with a single phrase or single word is incredible.  It’s that phrase “The pen is mightier than the sword” that holds true in my mind. I could make someone cry after reading a piece because of the emotional weight my story carries. I could provoke anger or maybe even tears again with my writing.

Mathematicians can’t change math, scientists don’t possess the power to shift reality and historians are unable to alter the past.

Maybe a psychologist would say because I am 135 pounds, and weaker than many my age, that writing is a cowardly way to escape my battles. Maybe I would be told that I’m taking the easy way out and failing to consider the opposing perspective.

But someone has to dissect the journeys of the human race that still make up our world.

So, while it is someone else’s story — one that can never change — it is told through my perspective.

I have control over whether or not that changes.

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