Nice girls do fight: Situating female-female conflict.

Abstract

Unstructured verbal and physical confrontations receive attention from school personnel because such incidents are overtly disruptive in a school setting. Although little direct focus has been placed on female-female conflicts, the studies which exist, including the work done in this dissertation, indicate that the flagrant breaches of school rules are only the tip of the iceberg in many female-female conflicts. Much of the behavior of females engaged in conflict lies below the surface. This behavior centers around relationships, is manifested indirectly, not easily observed and seldom recognized as behavior legitimately associated with serious conflict. The hidden or even mysterious character of female-female conflict has been perpetuated through myths that portray human females as peaceful creatures and cultural injunctions about appropriate female conduct. Females have attempted to suppress overt expressions of anger, resentment, hurt and aggression in order to appear nice. These feelings, however, have not been erased from humans inhabiting a female form. Females, therefore, have developed a style of conflict engagement that allows them to maintain a surface appearance of appropriate conduct while actually engaged in mortal psychological combat. This dissertation suggests that when girls and women understand more about the historical and cultural limitations on female expressions of anger and aggression, they will be able to take responsibility for their own actions and will be able to recognize how the tactics they employ when engaged in conflict maintain stereotypes and devalue their status in society. The position taken in this dissertation is that change is needed, and in order for change to occur, real education must occur as well.