A Survival Manual for the Romantic Lover.

Abstract

The purpose of this dissertation is to provide a readable introduction to the concepts of romantic love. My thesis is that a knowledge of the rules and codes of romantic love is necessary in order to underst and a great deal of literature, and to survive as a romantic lover. Chapter 1, "The Search For Love," presents my personal struggle with romantic love, which I believe to be typical of many young people today. I learned to expect romantic love, but I failed to achieve my ideal love relationship. Popular psychology led me to believe that the answers lay in realistic love. For a time I rejected romantic love, but I came to realize that romantic love and realistic love were parallel traditions. Chapter 2, "Two Approaches To Love: Romantic and Realistic," deals with two basically different ways of looking at love. If one is looking at love romantically, one must realize that a certain set of rules apply. If one is looking at love realistically, a different set of norms apply. One must be careful not to judge either of these love traditions as better than the other--both are valuable. The rest of this chapter reviews a series of psychological texts to see what they say about love. Psychologists have failed to give much attention to love or affection; one must turn to poetry and fiction to learn more about love. Chapter 3, "What Is This Thing Called Love," looks at the beginnings of romantic love in the writings of the troubadours in Southern France in the 12th century. Romantic love is compared with affection, friendship, and charity. Chapter 4, "The Halcyon Days and The Rules of Courtly Love," shows that courtly love arose in an inhospitable climate; nevertheless, it grew and flourised, affecting literature profoundly. The primary focus of this chapter is on The Art of Courtly Love by and reas Capellanus (13th century). This treatise on love gives us thirty-one rules of romantic love. Each rule is explained as Capellanus intended it to be explained. When the modern application of the rule is substantially different from Capellanus's interpretation, I then turn to current psychology and literature to show how the rule applies today. In Chapter 5, "Ernest Hemingway's Iceberg: The Submerged Romantic Myths," the rules of romantic love are applied to several of Hemingway's short stories--"Up in Michigan," "Ten Little Indians," "A Very Short Story," and "Cat In The Rain." Hemingway said that his stories were like an iceberg--much is hidden. What one must bring to these stories in order to underst and them is a knowledge of the rules of romantic love as described in this dissertation. Chapter 6, "Conclusion," says that even though no age has been hospitable to romantic love, it nevertheless has persisted, both in literature and in life. We must return to literature to learn romantic love. This dissertation provides a method to better underst and literature, specifically Ernest Hemingway's, through a deep knowledge of the rules of courtly love given to us by and reas Capellanus.