Experience is the Architect of Desire: an Exploratory Study of Criteria Used in Mate Selection.

Abstract

Love, romance, mate selection, and marriage are topics that appear to be important to most people. Accepting the latter as valid, it would seem logical that social scientists would devote a good portion of their energy toward underst and ing phenomena that generally have great importance in people's lives. Yet, the literature on mate selection is sparse. Furthermore, of the few studies available, most have no scientific basis and are based more on folklore, common sense, unproven Freudian mysticism, and conveniently packaged sets of human needs. It was the intent of this study to have subjects relate criteria they use(d) for selecting past, present, and future partners without assuming that certain factors, needs, or traits are necessary for study of this question. It was hoped that by minimizing assumptions, data would be more consistent with what subjects were actually experiencing. Thus, we could begin to underst and mate selection as it really is, not in terms of how we imagine it to be. Ten subjects, 18-35, were interviewed in regard to criteria they use(d) for selecting past, present, and future partners. A set of open-ended questions were asked. Subjects were told there were no expectations of them. Subjects were encouraged to talk freely, openly, and within their own framework. The Grounded Theory approach was used for analysis. Statements from taped interviews that appeared to be saying something important or significant about a particular subject's selection of a mate were transcribed. From these statements, key phrases were extracted that characterized what was/is important or significant in terms of selecting a mate. For the sample as a whole, themes emerged that characterized the key phrases. In an effort to more precisely characterize each theme, first and second-order properties were generated. Four major findings emerged. First, it was discovered that use of the word "criteria" was inappropriate since proof of this context could not be supported by subjects' statements. As a result, the focus of analysis was changed from "What criteria does a subject seek in a partner?" to "What is important or significant in terms of being involved with a partner?" Second, it was found that when subjects related what was important or significant, statements were related in three different ways referred to as orientations: Partner-Orientation--subject made reference to a quality or characteristic desired in a partner; Self-Orientation--subject focused on how he/she wanted to be or act with a partner; Relationship-Orientation--subject focuses on something to be jointly realized by both partners. Third, four themes typified the quality of extracted key phrases: Personality--nonphysical characteristics of a partner; Physical--physical traits of a partner; Life-Style--how a person likes to live; Interpersonal Relations--phrases that focus on the interaction of a romantically involved couple. Fourth, it was discovered that the genesis of key phrases was the result of clearly identifiable experiences that had a significant influence on what was important or significant in terms of being involved with a partner. The theme used to refer to this phenomenon was called Experience is The Architect of Desire. Results led to a conclusion that criteria are only an effect of a process of mate selection that begins with one's life experiences. It was a subject's unique life experience that caused the want for something specific in a partner and /or relationship. The wants expressed in the study differed markedly from subject to subject; hence, a reflection of the effect that individual experience has on mate selection.