Playfulness in Marriage: a Psychoanalytic Perspective.

Abstract

This dissertation explores playful interactions within the marital relationship. Previous psychoanalytic contributions on play have focused on childhood play, or on adult transformations of play such as sports, games, jokes, culture, and work. This investigation starts with the hypothesis that these various transformations do not tell the whole story; that the experience of early play (such as peek-a-boo, babbling and baby talk, and lap-h and - and -mouth play) may continue more directly as a facet of the adult personality. The intimacy of marriage provides an environment in which such spontaneous, informal play elements may emerge. The intensive case studies method was utilized. Sixteen Subjects were interviewed, with an average of three one-hour interviews per Subject. All sessions for the last ten Subjects were tape-recorded, and recordings were transcribed. The Subjects tended to be intelligent, in their twenties, and connected with the University. The first finding is that playfulness is frequently an important phenomenon in these marriages. Subjects seem to prize their playful interactions with their partners. Along with the expressed delight there was usually some degree of embarrassment, however, in discussing this private realm. There was also sometimes a sense of sadness, especially in women, in relation to play; as if talking about play engendered an old feeling of "missing out." and those persons who did not feel there was playfulness in their relationship seemed to feel some regret and concern. Playfulness appears to represent a special kind of closeness with the partner; a brief, adaptive reversal of the ongoing psychological process of separation-individuation. By virtue of its private nature--just between the two members of the couple, who step together into a "play world" and respond closely to each other's special playful cues--it seems to enhance a sense of security first experienced early in life, of caring and being well cared for. Most fundamentally, the playful interaction may represent a fantasy of the symbiosis with the gratifying caretaker. Consequently playful patterns often spring up around times of separations, and re-unions. For example, playful bedtime patterns (such as goodnight rhymes, or shared fantasies) seem to briefly create--immediately before the separation of sleep--a special intimacy, accompanied by an individual sense of completeness and well-being. The special closeness in playfulness is not restricted in meaning to the symbiosis. The closeness may also resonate to a variety of different psychological levels. At each of these levels, a sense of internal connectedness with the other is enjoyed. The degree to which play episodes serve mainly defensive functions, as compared to celebrating a sheer well-being state, is a complicated issue. In the "highest" forms of playfulness, there is relatively little sense of conflict or of an unpleasant state to overcome; rather, the playfulness affirms a sense of psychological smooth-sailing. Most playfulness, however, functions in a certain sense to generate a sense of well-being, as potentially interfering affects (such as aggression) are brushed aside and intimacy is celebrated. In certain other cases the quality is conflicted or driven, and in these cases the interaction is best considered play but not specifically playfulness. In conclusion, playfulness may often be a meaningful aspect of marriage. It is not irrelevant or peripheral to people's experience or concerns about their lives and it warrants further study.