The Desire to be Desired: A Socio-Linguistic Understanding of Gay Men's Perpetuation of Hookup Culture

Abstract

This thesis examines how Queer men articulate their experiences with desire on the platform Grindr, within the framework of modern hookup culture. Despite a stated desire for long-term romantic connections, Queer men find themselves limited to platforms, like Grindr, designed for short-term encounters, leading to frustration and dissatisfaction. As it stands, there exists research exploring how Queer individuals engage with desire through mobile apps as well as research exploring the ways Queer individuals develop a sense of identity through language, utilizing their desire to perform and maintain masculinity. My thesis explores the impact of connotative language in institutional and interpersonal relationships during the coming-out process and how it can affect how individuals engage with Grindr, a crux established between both fields. Through interviews with ten Queer men, my thesis compares stated motivations for pursuing connections with participants’ lived experiences and analyzes the participants’ upbringing and relationships with their Queer identities. Analysis reveals that individuals who had more open communication with their families growing up tend to acknowledge and accept their Queer identity at an earlier age than those who did not. It also shows that those who were met with opposition, particularly in the form of interpersonal language (homophobic slurs, bullying, etc.) or institutional language (like that of the Evangelical Church) then engage with their Queerness in a more reserved manner, leading to feelings of discontentment with Hookup Culture. This thesis sheds light on how nuanced language during pivotal moments in identity formation can shape limiting structures within relationships for Queer men, providing a platform on more quantitative research to be done.